depression and lonlieness

Depression is a diagnosable mental health condition characterised by persistent feeling of sadness.

Loneliness is a subjective feeling of isolation where our levels of social contact are not as frequent as we want them to be.

When a person is lonely and doesn’t take steps to address it, it can increase the likelihood of them experiencing depression and other mental health problems.

When it comes to loneliness, a person will typically feel alone when the relationships in their life lack the intensity, intimacy and authenticity that they need to feel content.

If you've been feeling lonely and isolated, know that it is something you can work to minimise. With some of the tips outlined in this piece, you can break the cycle of loneliness and depression and prevent these feelings from worsening overtime.

causes:

physical isolation from other people,

significant change in your life such as divorce or moving to a new location,

a stressful period in your life such as working long hours or an upcoming exam period.

Losing someone close to you
Getting a divorce or ending a relationship
Retiring, becoming unemployed or changing jobs
Entering higher education or changing your school, college or university
Relocating to an area away from family, friends and colleagues
Going through seasonal events such as Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries
Experiencing a traumatic life event, particularly if it remains unaddressed
Experiencing a mental health condition or addiction, particularly if it remains unaddressed

overlaps with deepression causes:

Experiencing trauma, especially during childhood
Going through a distressing life event such as losing your job, getting a divorce or losing someone you love
Struggling with serious and/or chronic physical health problems
Having a family history of depression or other mental health problems
Having previous experiences with mental health problems
Having certain personality traits such as being very self-critical or having low self-esteem

As feeling lonely and depressed are often interlinked, addressing one can often help the other. We understand that being proactive and taking on certain tasks can be incredibly challenging, but if you are able to really push yourself, these steps can be helpful.

1. Keep a thought journal

During the moments when you are feeling lonely or depressed, write down your exact emotions and the reasons behind them. This can help in the following ways:

It can act as a release. Jotting down your thoughts and feelings can feel as though you are transferring them from your brain onto the piece of paper
Seeing your thoughts and feeling written down can help everything to seem a little more clear and manageable
A thought journal can help you to gain clarity as to why you have these strong emotions. You may start to see patterns or common triggers that cause you to feel lonely and depressed

Within your thought journal, also write about when you feel happy and connected. Then, as you become more aware of what causes you to think and behave positively, start doing even more of the activities that make you feel good.

2. Write a daily gratitude list

When you’re feeling lonely and depressed, you may find that you focus more on the negatives in life, which can leave you feeling even worse. One thing that you can do to change this is to write out a daily gratitude list, where you put down five things that you’re grateful for or happy about each day.

Giving yourself the time to focus on these positives will help you to become more aware of the good things you have and overtime, can help you to pay more attention to these positives as you go about your daily life.

3. Show yourself compassion

When people feel lonely and depressed, they will typically have low self-esteem too.

If you find that you constantly berate yourself for feeling down, think about what you’d say to a friend going through something like this and what you’d do to help them feel better. Rather than being self-critical, remember that you deserve compassion too, so treat yourself kindly in any moment when you aren’t feeling so good.

10 minute meditation for depression

Written and narrated by Priory Therapist Adele Burdon-Bailey,

4. Examine and enhance your current relationships

Which people in your life make you feel great? Make regular plans with them and try really hard to maintain these relationships. These are the people who will be able to support you and motivate you when feeling depressed. Even a regular phone or video chat can be a good way to connect.

We understand that being proactive and making plans to see and be around people can be hard when you’re feeling lonely and depressed, but pushing yourself to spend more time with the people who you care about can really help you to feel less alone.

5. Strengthen your support network

If you feel that you aren’t satisfied with the social interactions in your life, think about what you can do to build more meaningful connections. What activities do you enjoy or is there something new you want to try? Look into joining local groups or clubs to meet like-minded people who you can spend time with.

You may also want to look into getting professional therapeutic support. Many people who feel lonely and depressed find it useful to talk through what they’re experiencing with a therapist or counsellor, who they can then work with to find solutions for a better quality of life going forward.

6. Access professional support for loneliness and depression

If you have found that you continue to feel lonely and depressed regardless of any changes that you make to your lifestyle, you may need a helping hand in order to start feeling better.

You may want to start out by visiting your GP and explaining the thoughts and feelings that you have been experiencing. They can provide you with advice, support and if necessary, access to a service such as Priory where you can receive specialist support and treatment.

You can also come directly to Priory Group, where you will be able to sit down with one of our consultant psychiatrists to determine the best form of treatment or therapy for you to undergo at one of our hospitals or wellbeing centres. The mental health support and treatment that we are able to provide includes weekly therapy sessions, day or half-day sessions at one of our day facilities or residential stays, if deemed necessary.

https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-feeling-lonely-and-depressed

causes of depression

Depression is a complex mental health condition and research suggests there isn’t a single cause for it. Your chances of developing depression are likely to be down to a combination of factors. These include genetic or psychological factors that mean someone may be more vulnerable to developing depression, as well as environmental stresses or triggers.

While there are some factors and triggers that may make someone more predisposed to developing depression than others, it’s a very personal illness and we each experience depression in our own way.

The genetic element of depression is complex and not everyone who has a genetic predisposition to depression will become depressed. Also, how vulnerable we are to stresses and triggers is unique to all of us and is based on the interaction between our genes as well as our life experiences, which shape our view of the world. That’s why a major life event such as a relationship breakdown or bereavement may trigger a depressive episode in one person but not someone else.

At the same time, someone may have no genetic vulnerability, and may not have experienced any of the triggers linked to depression, and may still become depressed. In these cases, someone’s depression may have come on for what can only be assumed are internal reasons such as chemical changes in the brain.

Here, we explore the underlying factors that could increase your chances of becoming depressed, and look at some of the triggers that are linked to depression.

Gender

Women are more likely to develop depression than men. The reasons why are complex and not fully understood, but it is believed they include:

The hormonal changes that women go through in their lifetime e.g. periods, pregnancy, childbirth and menopause. At these times, women are at a higher risk of struggling with depressive episodes
The fact that women produce more stress hormone than men, and are more likely to internalise stress, meaning they’re more prone to developing depression after going through something stressful
The demands and expectations of women in our modern world to juggle motherhood, work and relationships

You can find out more about the gender differences when it comes to depression on our depression in women and depression in men pages.

Genes

Your genes can also play a role in how likely you are to develop depression. While we can map people’s genes, this isn’t something we can do routinely yet, so we have to look at family history to reveal genetic vulnerability. Research shows that if you have a close relative (such as a parent or sibling) who struggles with depression, this makes it more likely that you will go on to develop depression.

The genetics are complex and it’s not a single gene that’s linked to depression. It’s more likely to be small effects from a combination of genes that interact with environmental factors to cause depression. This is an area of focus for future research and our understanding of the genetics of depression will grow rapidly in the coming years.

Existing Mental Health Problems

If you already struggle with a mental health condition, or have had mental health problems in the past, this also increases your chances of developing depression.

Also, depression is also a symptom of a number of other mental illnesses, including bipolar disorder, eating disorders and anxiety. Depression can also complicate other conditions such as anxiety disorders and psychosis, making it even more difficult to cope with depression,

Personality

Certain personality traits have been linked to depression. Research suggests that people who:

have low self-esteem
are anxious
are perfectionists
are very self-critical

are more likely to suffer with depression than others.

Abuse and/or Neglect During Childhood

Experiencing abuse, whether physical, sexual or emotional, as well as neglect during childhood, have also been found to increase a person’s chances of developing depression.

Going through difficult experiences as a child can prevent you developing effective coping mechanisms, which means you’re less able to deal with negative emotions. This means that people who have been abused or neglected during childhood are more likely to struggle with mental health conditions, including depression, as adolescents and adults.

Negative experiences as a child can also result in you having poor self-esteem and doubting your ability to cope or manage if things do get tough.

Physical Health Problems

You’re also more likely to develop depression if you suffer with chronic and/or life-limiting physical health conditions. These include things like multiple sclerosis (MS), cancer, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, HIV, or chronic pain.

The relationship between these physical health problems and depression is complex. Struggling with physical health issues, especially if these issues leave you in constant pain, can make you feel resentful and as though you’re unable to live life to the fullest. You may find you’re grieving your lost potential or living with constant fear and uncertainty. These issues can cause problems in your relationships, disturb your sleep, or prevent you from exercising or going to work - all of which can have a devastating effect on your mood and mental wellbeing.

Brain Chemistry

Our brains contain chemicals known as neurotransmitters, which send messages from one part of the brain to another. However, research shows that neurotransmitter function is altered in the brains of depressed people.

Some neurotransmitters in particular (e.g. serotonin and noradrenaline), appear to be linked to mood. If these neurotransmitters aren’t working properly, this can have a negative effect on a person’s mood, leading them to develop depressive symptoms.

Age

Studies show that older people are more likely to struggle with depression. This could be down to a number of factors:

Brains deteriorate with age - this can have an effect on neurotransmitter pathways which are linked to mood
Depression can also be a symptom or result of conditions like dementia or stroke, which are more likely to affect older people
Older people may be more likely than younger people to be isolated. They may live on their own and may not be able to get about as much due to mobility issues. This can therefore lead to loneliness and depression

Poor Diet, Exercise and Sleep

Studies show that there are clear links between a person’s diet, the amount of exercise they do, the quality of their sleep, and their mood. If someone isn’t:

eating healthily and drinking plenty of water
exercising regularly
getting the recommended amount of sleep per night,

this can leave them at an increased risk for developing depression.

What can Trigger Depression?

While the above factors can increase the likelihood of someone developing depression, the following can also trigger depression. It may also be unexplained or come ‘out of the blue’.

Distressing or Traumatic Life Events

Some people find that experiencing distressing, stressful or traumatic life events can trigger depression.

Such events might include:

Going through a divorce
The death of someone you love
Being diagnosed with a serious or life-threatening medical condition
Being the victim of an assault
Witnessing a crime
Being involved in a car accident

Going through these negative experiences may lead to depression because they can overwhelm your ability to cope. If you don’t have enough support following these events, this can increase the chance of your low mood developing into depression.

Also, traumatic events can also lead people to develop a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This condition has a number of distressing symptoms, one of which is depression. Depression can also be triggered by PTSD.

Major Changes in Your Life

As well as stressful life experiences, any major events that cause change in your life can also trigger depression in some people. These can include events such as:

Getting married
Having a baby
Moving house
Getting a new job

Even if these events are seen as positive, the change and upheaval they can cause can lead to some people developing the symptoms of depression as a result.

Medications, Alcohol and Recreational Drugs

Some prescription medications can also trigger depression as one of their side effects. Examples include benzodiazepines, barbiturates, opioids and beta-blockers. If you’re taking any prescription medications, it’s important that you always check the leaflet so you know what side effects to expect. If you have any concerns about this, you should speak to your GP or pharmacist.

Taking illicit drugs or drinking alcohol can also trigger depression. Alcohol and many different types of drugs are known as ‘depressants’ because they can alter the functioning of chemicals in our brain, leading to a depressed mood.

As well as this, abusing substances and binge drinking can cause us to have impaired judgement, difficulties at work or in personal relationships and an increased risk of self-harm. All of these can result in you feeling worried, hopeless and finding life hard to deal with. Waking up hungover and experiencing withdrawal symptoms from drugs and alcohol can also make you feel jittery, anxious, guilty and depressed.

Seasons

Some people become depressed just during the winter months – this is known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). During winter, we’re less able to get outside and spend time in daylight, which can affect our mood. As the nights draw in and the weather becomes worse, many people find that this can trigger the symptoms of depression.

https://www.priorygroup.com/mental-health/depression-treatment/causes-of-depression

Porn addiction is becoming increasingly prevalent in modern society, due to the availability of the internet and other forms of technology, allowing this type of material to be accessed and downloaded anywhere and at any time.

Here, we will explore the signs that you might need professional support for porn addiction, what porn addiction withdrawal might look like, and the treatment options that are available.

When to get Porn Addiction Help

Watching porn isn’t necessarily unhealthy in itself. However, if your porn use:

has become excessive,
feels uncontrollable,
is increasing and becoming more extreme,
becomes more important than engaging with the real world,
is having a negative impact on your day-to-day life,
is having a negative impact on your relationships and sex life,
is having a negative effect on your mental health

This suggests that you have developed an unhealthy relationship with porn and may need professional support. If you watch porn regularly, it’s useful to make sure you’re aware of the symptoms of porn addiction, so that you can recognise when you might be developing an unhealthy dependence.

Withdrawal from Porn Addiction

In a similar way to alcohol and drug abuse, viewing pornography increases the levels of ‘feel good’ chemicals, such as dopamine, in the brain’s reward centres. This means that people want to continue seeking out these feelings by watching more and more porn. However, when you stop watching porn or are unable to access it for whatever reason, this can cause the appearance of withdrawal symptoms, much like those associated with drug addiction and alcohol addiction.

Pornography addiction withdrawal symptoms can include:

Anxiety
Insomnia
Restlessness
Stress
Panic attacks
Depression, low mood and mood swings
Irritability and angry outbursts
Apathy and poor focus
Loneliness
Intense cravings to watch porn
Loss of libido
Flu-like symptoms
Headaches and other aches and pains

You may also seek out other addictive, dopamine-flooding activities to try and get your ‘fix’ e.g. gaming, gambling, shopping or substance abuse.

If you are experiencing porn withdrawal symptoms, this further suggests that you have developed a harmful dependence on porn, and need professional support.

Porn Addiction Treatment Options

The thought of speaking to someone about your porn addiction may feel daunting, because there’s a level of stigma surrounding porn use and it’s still considered by some people to be a ‘taboo’ subject.

A useful first step may be to speak to your GP about your concerns. They’ll be able to explore your symptoms and the impact they’re having on your life, and refer you for specialist porn addiction treatment if needed.

Alternatively, you can contact a private provider, like Priory, directly. All of our specialist addiction treatment hospitals and clinics offer a free initial addiction assessment with experienced addiction and mental health professionals, enabling you to discuss your porn addiction in a safe and non-judgemental environment, whilst guaranteeing utmost discretion and confidentiality.

Depending on the severity of your addiction and the intensity of the support you require, treatment options include:

Inpatient treatment
Day treatment
Outpatient treatment

These options will be discussed in more detail during your initial assessment, and used to shape your treatment plan.

What happens during Porn Addiction Treatment?

Porn addiction treatment at Priory involves individual and group therapy to help you overcome your addiction. Within these therapy sessions, you will talk about your addiction, potential triggers, and learn ways to overcome the urges to watch porn.

Porn addiction may also be an indicator of past issues, trauma, difficult life events and low self-worth, that have never been addressed and processed, so these may also be discussed in your individual therapy sessions.

The treatment and therapy that is provided at Priory for porn addiction, is guided by the 12-Step philosophy, which is a world-renowned abstinence-based model, that was first pioneered by the organisation Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The 12-Step philosophy focuses on combining the porn addiction recovery process with an individual’s spirituality and their motivation to change.

It's important to remember that you’re not the only one who struggles with porn addiction and you don’t need to suffer in silence. Seeking treatment is the most important first step on your road to recovery.

Self-esteem is how we value and see ourselves. But it’s more than our opinion of what we look like; it’s how much we respect ourselves and how worthy we feel in comparison to others. Self-esteem is often a self-assessment and, therefore, a self-generated feeling.

Self-esteem can have an effect on many parts of our lives, including how we’re able to make decisions, assert ourselves, try new things, move past mistakes and more. Learning how to develop a healthy self-esteem is an essential part of our overall mental health.

Everyone has bouts of low self-esteem from time to time, but not everyone’s life is critically affected by it. When low self-esteem becomes a more chronic issue, it can cause feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and an ineptitude around accomplishing tasks.

For many people, the source of low self-esteem “may involve a history of neglect, rejection or abuse by caregivers during childhood; experiences of trauma; a history of rejection or bullying by peers during one’s growth and development and/or social comparison to unrealistic societal standards,” explains Marla Deibler, a licensed clinical psychologist and executive director of the Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia.

While low self-esteem can often stem from negative experiences and interactions in childhood and adolescence that ingrain themselves in our mind, it can also be caused by other experiences, including:

An unhappy relationship
Dealing with the loss of a loved one
Living with a serious illness

Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

If you’re dealing with self-esteem issues, there are real, concrete ways to work on building it back up. One great option is therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

“CBT may be helpful in challenging and changing one’s self-concept and the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are associated with one’s sense of self,” explains Dr. Deibler.

But therapy isn’t the only way to work on your self-esteem. Below are six expert-backed methods for feeling better about yourself and your place in the world.

One important note: A pervasive sense of low self-esteem may be associated with other mental health conditions such as depression, eating disorders and substance misuse. If you believe you might be dealing with a larger mental health issue, it’s essential to speak with a mental health professional who can help guide you towards treatment and healing.

Method 1: Practice Self-Compassion

“Learning to show kindness and understanding toward oneself is important to one’s self-concept,” explains Dr. Deibler. Practicing self-compassion can look like different things to different people, but often includes recognizing you are not alone in your struggles and many people may be feeling the same way, talking to yourself the way you would talk to a loved one and just generally being more gentle in your thoughts and actions toward yourself.

Method 2: Accept, Recognize and Identify Negative Thoughts

Almost everyone has to deal with an “inner critic” a few times throughout their lives. If you’ve been dealing with that inner critic lately, research suggests accepting the thoughts rather than trying to ignore them (since that can just cause the thoughts to persist), recognizing the thoughts for what they are and then identifying them as being messages from that inner critic. This can take practice, but can ultimately help you create space between those critical thoughts and what is actually true.

Method 3: Reframe Self-Judgements

Once you become more aware of your critical thoughts, you can practice positive reframing. Positive reframing is when you take a negative thought and make it positive or neutral. This can look like: “Wow, I sounded like an idiot asking all those questions in that meeting,” to, “I asked a lot of questions and now I know more than I did before.” Or, “My legs are huge,” becomes, “My legs are strong.”

Method 4: Practice Enforcing Boundaries

Boundaries are guidelines or rules someone creates that outline how they would like people to behave around them, and how they might respond if someone ignores those guidelines. For example, a person may explain to their partner: “I need to have a night out with my friends every once in a while” and expect that their partner will honor the request—emergencies aside.

Enforcing boundaries may cause you to feel guilty or even fearful at first, but the more you practice stating what you need clearly, kindly and calmly, the more confident you should end up feeling—and the stronger your self-respect will be.

Method 5: Prioritize Physical Activity

“Exercise has been shown to have a positive impact on self-esteem and life satisfaction,” says Julia Samton M.D., a board certified neurologist and psychiatrist and cofounder of the Midtown Practice, a private practice serving mental health needs in New York City. “Incorporating a regular exercise routine into your day can help you to feel strong physically and mentally, giving you a sense of accomplishment and feelings of self-worth.”

Indeed, according to a small study from 2016, physical activity and perceived physical fitness appear to play an important role in self-esteem.^[1]

Adults ages 18 to 65 should aim for 150 minutes of moderate, or 75 minutes of vigorous, physical activity per week, according to the World Health Organization. For individuals who don’t have access to a gym, this recommendation can be achieved by walking for 30 minutes Monday through Friday.

Method 6: Work On Body Neutrality

Another great way to build confidence is to learn to accept your body. This can mean working on body positivity, but it can also mean focusing on body neutrality. Body neutrality aims to keep the focus away from an overly negative or overly positive outlook and instead centers on acceptance and respect for your body. Some ways to practice body neutrality include:

Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel strongly one way or another about your body
Learn about and practice intuitive eating
Find types of exercise you can do just for fun, without focusing on changing your body
Practice identifying your bodily functions in a neutral way (i.e.“my arms can carry in the groceries,” “my brain can read this article”)

What Are the Benefits of a Higher Self-Esteem?

Benefits of self-esteem are unique for every individual, but according to research, high self-esteem seems to predict success and well-being in life domains such as relationships, work, and health—especially in cultures that value individuality.

Additionally, a strong sense of self-esteem is often associated with good coping skills when an individual is faced with stress, anxiety, challenges or adversity, resulting in resiliency, explains Dr. Deibler.

A strong sense of self-esteem can also inspire growth, notes Dr. Samton. Individuals with a positive sense of self-esteem “are more likely to put themselves in challenging situations and pursue new relationships,” she explains. “These experiences provide an opportunity for psychological growth.”

Low self-worth stems from unresolved past experiences and emotions. Instead of a thought, it’s a belief. Those past experiences led to negative beliefs about the world. And if there was one emotion that drives low self-worth, it is shame. We feel ashamed of who we are and what we experienced.

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Low confidence comes from present day challenges, like a job we don’t have the full skillset for, or something we have actually messed up in the past and are worried we will mess up again, like a presentation.

Our low confidence is rational. And we can then find rational ways to navigate it – get help on the speech from a colleague, or find a mentor.

Low self-worth is not rational. We can have the best job going, good health, tons of money, and still feel worthless. We are convinced we can’t change, that we will keep making the same mistakes again and again. And low self-worth is not based on present day challenges, either.

So what is low self-worth then, really?

Low self-worth stems from unresolved past experiences and emotions.

Instead of a thought, it’s a belief. Those past experiences led to negative beliefs about the world.

And if there was one emotion that drives low self-worth, it is shame. We feel ashamed of who we are and what we experienced.

The real triggers for low self worth

The experiences that lead to having no self-esteem are:

Childhood abuse.

One of the most common reasons for low self worth is experiencing physical or sexual abuse as a child. In an attempt to understand what is happening, a child blames him or herself.

Other childhood trauma.

This can look like a parent or sibling dying, a parent leaving suddenly, losing your home, being bullied, or anything that deeply affected your sense of self and sense of safety.

ACE’s.

Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are a psychological term for very difficult things children live through that might not always qualify as ‘trauma’. This can include things like neglect, growing up in poverty, an alcoholic or sick parent, one parent being violent to the other, a family member going to jail, and your parents divorcing.

Poor parenting.

Blaming all our misery on our parents is not the best tactic. Often parents did the best they can, but didn’t have the right information.

But it is true that poor parenting— frequent punishments and criticism, harsh standards, not being shown enough affection — is connected to low self-esteem.

The Joesph Rowntree Foundation, in a report on low self-esteem, states that, “the strongest influences upon self-esteem are the individual’s parents. Parenting style, physical and particularly sexual abuse play a significant role.”

Poor attachment.

Attachment theory believe that in order to grow up to be an adult who can have healthy, trusting relationships, you need a caregiver in your early years who you can trust to always be there for you and accept you. Without this, we grow up not only with problems connecting to others, but with low self-esteem.

Negative core beliefs.

Again, a lack of inner worth is driven by a set of beliefs that we are no good, all created by experiences like the above. Negative core beliefs sound like:

everyone else is better than me
I am unlovable
if anyone knew the real me nobody would want to know me
something inside of me is broken beyond repair.

But I have only had low self-worth since recently

You had a breakup, and now you have no self worth. “I was very confident until that narcissist ruined my life,” you tell yourself.

This way of thinking is actually typical in people with low self worth. Creating a false history, constantly re-writing events, playing the victim and blaming others is a way to avoid facing our long history of inner pain.

Facing up to the fact that we’ve been struggling to feel good most of our lives and deep down don’t like ourselves takes a lot of courage. This cycle of denial and blame can be easier.

But it leads to more pain in the long run. Until we deal head-on with our past, we will always be running from our very selves, and creating the same difficult pattern again and again.

A 2018 study showed that in fact people with low self-esteem actually sabotage relationships with their poor skills at asking for support. Backhanded methods like whining, acting sad, and sulking lead to negative responses from partners.

What does low self-worth lead to?

Common red flags of low self worth are:

difficulty with intimacy and relationships
defensiveness and blaming others
a lack of life purpose
poor personal boundaries
treading water with your career
addictions – alcohol abuse, party drugs, overeating
eating disorders
secret self-harm
suicidal thinking
victim mentality
anxiety and depression.

What can actually help me like and value myself?

For starters let’s look at what WON’T help. Positive thinking, pushing yourself harder, pretending you feel better about yourself than you do, ignoring how you feel and hoping it will just go away.

Low self-worth has deep roots, and deep roots require committed digging. There are methods you can start working with yourself as soon as today. These include

But to truly move forward it’s highly advised to seek support. A professional counsellor or psychotherapist creates a safe space for you to work through what is behind your low self worth. He or she will also help you with integrating new ways of relating and being, that gently but surely raise your esteem.

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